Character/Pairing: Veronica, Dick, Veronica/Dick (in a dark way). Mentions of Logan, Logan/Veronica, Keith.
Word Count: 550
Rating: R (dark themes)
Summary: Logan dies and Veronica doesn't want to feel anymore.
Spoilers/Warnings: Up to 3x12. Very dark. Drug use. Sex.
Author's Note: Written for bittersweet_99 who wanted Logan dead and some Dick/Veronica. I'm not sure this is what she had in mind.
She doesn't think about it. She's convinced herself that if she puts it out of her mind, it's not really there. That he didn't really die. That it wasn't her fault.
But it is.
And sometimes, as she places another pill on her tongue, she forgets.
Maybe if she hadn't said the things she did when she found out he slept with Madison. Maybe he wouldn't have gotten drunk and drove to her place. Maybe she wouldn't have gotten the call at two am.
She stops thinking about Madison, the what-ifs, and the maybes. She's sick of them. Logan's dead and it's her fault for being a bitch.
She downs another shot and orders one more.
She snorts coke on the seventeenth day he's gone.
She goes by the grand to get her stuff. Even though it's so fucking hard just seeing the mess. But she's trying to be strong. Trying. His food, his clothes and his smell. It's everywhere.
She hears Dick yelling at room service to get the fuck out. It dawns on her that neither Dick nor room service has touched anything in this room for seventeen days.
She sits on the floor and grabs his near by sweater.
It smells like Kenneth Cole and sweat. She doesn't stop crying until Dick places the white powder in front of her.
She doesn't remember their first time. She remembers waking up, running to the bathroom and vomiting.
She remembers trying to find a shirt.
And then giving up and taking another swig of the near by Vodka bottle.
She likes it better this way. Better when she can barely feel.
They've had sex six times - she's thinks. But she's not sure. Maybe she was too high to remember the last time.
She convinces herself there's nothing wrong with sleeping with him. It's not like she does it to try to remember Logan. It's not like she does it because Dick's the closest thing to Logan there is.
Except maybe she does.
She can't remember anymore.
She fails four of her six classes.
Her dad's worried, she gets that, but rehab? That's so fucking low of him.
She manages to pack a small bag before Dick arrives at her house.
She doesn't comment on his cologne (LOGAN) or that he's wearing a tight brown shirt (LOGAN) because if she closes her eyes when he touches her, she can almost make herself believe that this isn't a web of lies. Like they aren't using eachother to reconnect with a former friend or lover. That maybe - just maybe - it's Logan who makes her come.
They end up in Colorado.
Dick comes to the hotel, hammered or high, she's not sure anymore. She yells at him about something, it's all a blur. And his hand connects with her face.
She hates that he makes her feel.
She was supposed to be numb. It wasn't supposed to hurt when her pseudo-boyfriend smacked her. It wasn't supposed to hurt, but it did.